Well, it’s taken me a good 3 months to write this post and honestly re-living it again still gives me the chills a little haha. Talk about PTSD. I think I was so convinced that this time around was going to be so much easier and shorter because that’s what everyone kept telling me. I need to be better about taking what everyone says with a grain of salt because I let it get to my head and start fantasizing how things will be and when things go for a turn, I’m completely SHOOK.

At my 39-week check-up, I had asked about the possibility of getting induced. It was 6/18/19 and my due date was 6/21/19. I was SO convinced that J was coming early and had been saying it for over 3 weeks that he’s DEFINITELY coming early and how I felt all the signs of pain and my discharge changing blah blah blah. …NOPE.
The reason I asked about induction was because we were moving in a couple of weeks and in my mind, moving with a 2-3 week old was a lot easier compared to moving with a 2-day-old but honestly…it’s probably the same haha. The nurse practitioner told me Rush had a policy and I had to meet certain marks/reach a certain score in order to even qualify to be induced early. According to the NP, because I was a gestational diabetic, dilated to about 4cm, about 75% effaced and a few other factors, she said I could pick a date to when I wanted to be induced. Danny and I looked at each other and just shrugged and said …how about tomorrow morning? So that was it. I was scheduled to go in at 8am on 6/19/19. Done and done. I figured they would induce me, it would only take a few hours (since I was in labor with Maddy for about 12 hours and everyone said that the 2nd one is always a lot faster. You can read Maddy’s birth story here), and then we’d be wheeled away to our other room for recovery where my baby and I can bathe in the newness of each other.

Since I delivered at Rush with Maddy as well, I was pretty familiar with their process. They started me on pitocin and then began the waiting game. I was meeting “the kiss of death” aka pitocin again and I was nervous as heck because that was not fun last time. I’ve always wanted to deliver without an epidural. It’s not that I enjoy pain. No no no. I think a part of it is wanting to feel the depth of pain that resulted because of sin…and a part of it honestly is pride to see if I can handle it.

They checked me a few times and I want to say about 6-7 hours in to starting pitocin, I was still at 4cm dilated. I don’t know why, maybe because I let things get to my head and things weren’t progressing as I had hoped…but I started cracking. I was feeling pain from contractions and after several hours, hearing that I wasn’t progressing at all was discouraging. I was tired. There was talk that our baby boy may potentially not even arrive until the next day. What?!?! I didn’t know if I could handle the pain until TOMORROW?! I started crying in front of the nurse because I was scared. I was uncertain. I didn’t know what was taking so long. I didn’t know what to do. I was in pain. Maybe I couldn’t do this. Should I just get an epidural? Why wasn’t I progressing? Why wasn’t my water breaking? Just a swarm of emotions, you know what I mean?! We facetimed with Maddy who was at home with my MIL and when she answered and said “mama??” I started crying (again). I wanted to be home with my baby…BOTH my babies.

I knew I needed to be strong so back to the same drill as before. Walk around while wheeling around the monitor, bounce on bouncy ball/peanut ball, drink gallons of water, go to the bathroom with all the wires hanging from me, lie in bed, get up, repeat…repeat…repeat. I knew I was dilating because light brownish yellow discharge eventually turned to light pink which eventually turned to red globs of blood coming out. The pain was increasing. I had no idea how dilated I was at this point and my water still had not broken. Tick tock tick tock… just waiting for the water to break, waiting for me to dilate more, waiting for our baby. Fast forward to more hours passing and they checked me at around 8pm. I was 7cm dilated. Not quite where I wanted to be, but we’re progressing and getting there! There was talk about potentially breaking my water to speed things up even more but the doctor on call wanted to wait a little bit longer. He was definitely more on the cautious side and manually breaking the water bag could increase the risk of infection so he wanted to wait. He said they would come back in about an hour to check on me again.

One of the nurses gave Danny the tip to push against my lower back when I was going through a contraction to help with the pain. I was sitting on a chair next to the hospital bed hunched over screaming into a pile of pillows telling Danny that I didn’t think I could do it and that I might just need to get the epidural because I don’t know how much longer it was going to take. We had been at the hospital for over 12 hours at this point and they had started me on pitocin for about 10 hours now. It was over 2 hours since the doctor or nurse came in. Where were they?!?! They said they would come back in an hour! I was scared. I was in pain. My bag still hadn’t broken. Had I dilated any more?? All the unknowns.

I was mid-contraction and Danny was pushing my lower back to help alleviate some pain when there was a loud POP. I felt a rush of water, a drop of a head, and it felt like it was coming out of my vagina. I bolted up, clutched my vaginal area, and I. SCREAMED. BLOODY. MURDER.
I honestly can’t tell you if I was screaming so loud because of the pain or because I was in shock of what was happening. The next few minutes were a legit BLUR. I was screaming my head off, Danny thought he broke something in my back because he was pushing when the pop happened, he grabbed the phone on the hospital bed and I just remember him saying “we need someone in here! I don’t know what happened. My wife is in a lot of pain!” I heard the door open not long after and one of the nurses was like “Oh, her water broke. Yup, she’s going to be in a lot of pain” and another voice then going “Omg she’s crowning!” And then someone else shouting over my screams “Selina, I need you to get onto the bed.” I literally was screaming and shaking my head non-stop. I was perpendicular to the bed at this point and remember 3 people hoisting me up and trying to turn me over and around. I remember voices shouting “DON’T PUSH! DON’T PUSH!” Nothing was ready. The doctor on call was apparently in an emergent and complicated delivery which was why they hadn’t come in earlier. I heard a ton of commands of getting this and that and if someone had done this or gotten this out. There were 2 seconds where there was silence, just the noise of instruments in the background, no one was screaming at me to not push and I don’t know why but I just took it as OK I CAN PUSH…so I did. I pushed once, I pushed twice and he was out. The second push I felt his body, arms, and legs leave me. And it was over. My baby was in my arms. 10 fingers, 10 toes, crying healthily on my chest. After pushing the placenta out, they had to stitch me back up. They numbed me locally but I could still kind of feel them stitching me back up and honestly that freaked me out all over again. I ended up tearing more with Jaden (once again, different from what everyone else told me since they had said you tear less with your second) but then again he was almost 2lbs heavier than Maddy. When they told me that he weighed 8lbs 12ounces, I literally shouted “WHAT?!?!”

After all the commotion simmered down, the nurses looked at each other and were like “wow, that was intense.” And yea, not going to lie, it felt like some crazy episode on a TV show. J ended up being the talk of the labor/delivery floor all night long. Danny sometimes still reminisces about the delivery night and running through different scenarios like what if we had waited at home for my water to break? Or what if my water broke in the car?? WELP HONEY, YOU WOULD HAVE HAD TO PULL YOUR SON OUT OF ME IN THE CAR I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO TELL YA.

So yea, this story definitely wasn’t how I had imaged it would go but I guess people were right in that the delivery itself is a lot faster the 2nd time around not necessarily the labor haha. I’m thankful to have been able to deliver a beautiful, healthy baby and I’m thankful that my recovery has gone smoothly. Seriously, THANK YOU to my MVP husband who was there with me every second of the way. I remember telling him prior to going in for induction that there will probably be lots of moments where I tell him that I can’t do it anymore and that I needed him to not be scared and keep telling me that I can. So THANK YOU for constantly telling me that I could do it when I thought I couldn’t. Thank you for believing that I’m stronger than I think I am. Thank you thank you thank you. YOU were the MVP of that day. I hope our babies will always remember that.

PregnancySelina Lee1 Comment