4 WAYS TO SUPPORT YOUR WIFE
Maybe I'm the only one who struggles with this and maybe all the other husbands have it figured out, but how do you support your wife during pregnancy?
Well, this is what I have learned so far:
1. The word HUGE should be omitted from your vocabulary.
2. You can't reason with a pregnant woman.
3. Every solution is a massage.
Haha just kidding. Here are actually 4 ways I’ve learned where you can support your wife.
1. Listen and try not to fix.
If we're being honest with ourselves, and I’m 100% guilty of this too, as men we tend to try to fix the problem and try to solve the issue. That's great and all, but as my wife tells me, 95% of the time your wife just wants you to listen. And men, try to actually listen. Don’t “listen” while watching March Madness or scrolling through Facebook (she most likely can see the reflection of the websites reflecting off your face anyways so don’t even try to play it off). Most of the time she’s not asking you to fix the issue. It’s not your job to fix it. She just wants empathy, sympathy, or encouragement from you. Give her a hug. Do something together to get her mind off the issue.
But if it’s your lucky day (or unlucky day) and you happen to land on the 5% where she actually does want you to fix the issue, by the time you realize she wanted you to do something, you’re probably already too late. Don’t sigh or argue at this point and do what you do best: try to fix the issue.
2. Be a hero.
Your wife is pregnant. She's uncomfortable, irritable, emotional. Sometimes she might be flat out unreasonable. An example conversation that we will have:
Me: Dear, I'm going to get some coffee and donuts, do you want anything?
Selina: I want a sprinkled donut.
Me: Is there something else you want just in case they don’t have that?
Selina: *stares* … a sprinkled donut.
So what do you do when there are no sprinkled donuts?
Be a hero. All I gotta say is that you better be bringing a sprinkled donut back home. Whether you have to go to a different donut shop or buy a frosted donut and go to the grocery store to buy sprinkles to put on that donut, get her a sprinkled donut. The fact that you're going to come home with that sprinkled donut for your wife and two chocolate donuts (or whatever you prefer) for yourself, everyone wins. Why two donuts for yourself you ask? Well, reality is that your wife will see your donut and want that instead of the sprinkled donut or maybe she’ll want both. So, do yourself a favor and get two just in case or be prepared to not eat any donut. You’ll be a hero.
3. Proactively help with the chores without grumbling
As husbands we help around the house doing chores and sometimes we go out of our way to get what our spouse craves or wants, but sometimes we don't feel appreciated or simply don’t want to do it. We end up complaining, grumbling or saying some snark remark while doing the task which then overshadows the great deed you just did for your wife. Help out with a positive attitude and show that you WANT to do this for your spouse. After all, they are the one carrying around your baby for 9 months. If your wife is always asking you to clean the dishes, try doing it before she even asks you to do it. Trust me. They appreciate when you do something you normally don't do, and you shouldn't be doing those tasks looking for a reward or approval. You should be doing it because you love your wife and want to help out in any way you can.
4. Don’t forget to tell your wife how beautiful she is
Make sure to continue to tell your wife how much you love her and how beautiful she is. She is going through a lot physically and may at times feel insecure and not herself. In most cases, she’s probably hearing a million times a day about how huge she looks now or how she “blew up overnight” (which by the way, it’s never cool to tell a pregnant lady she’s huge. If you don’t say it to someone who’s not pregnant, don’t say it to someone who is pregnant). This is exactly why you need to constantly let them know they are beautiful. Don’t forget to affirm them and constantly encourage, whether it’s commenting on an outfit or that you appreciate all that she does for you and the family. Help her own and be proud of her baby bump.
At the end of the day, all these things seem like common sense and well…it is. But sometimes we forget or sometimes aren’t even thinking about these things. So husbands, let’s be better!
And wives, be kind to us as well. Be clear with us and communicate with us so that we can love and support each other the best that we can.
***Note: These tips also carry over after pregnancy. And probably before pregnancy too. Just saying.